


If the World Was Ending

by babygirl_linds



Series: Song Fics [2]
Category: The Magicians (TV), The Magicians - Lev Grossman
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Endgame Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Eliot Waugh, Hurt Quentin Coldwater, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Explicit Sex, POV Alternating, POV Eliot Waugh, but an actual earthquake happens here, but it’s mainly, i know the song uses earthquake as a metaphor, like in a small part it’s Quentin, optimistic ending though, so much love between these two, these beautiful pining boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:21:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25406827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babygirl_linds/pseuds/babygirl_linds
Summary: “But if the world was endingYou'd come over, right?You'd come over and you'd stay the nightWould you love me for the hell of it?All our fears would be irrelevantIf the world was endingYou'd come over, right?The sky'd be falling and I'd hold you tightAnd there wouldn't be a reason whyWe would even have to say goodbye”ORIn which an earthquake happens and Eliot realizes just how much he misses Quentin.
Relationships: Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh
Series: Song Fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1839781
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	If the World Was Ending

**Author's Note:**

> The song I based this fic off of, ‘If the World Was Ending’ by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels, really puts me in my feels and when I was listening to it, I was going through some ish already. So, I hope y’all enjoy my self-indulgent angst. :))

Eliot is lost in his thoughts as he mindlessly drives down the busy streets of New York at night. Granted, that's probably more dangerous than not, seeing as traffic was still slower than molasses at this hour. He's thinking himself into a hole once again, which has been a daily occurrence for almost more than a year ago now.

He doesn't pay much mind until the cars in front of him abruptly stop and forces him to slam on his brakes as well. He's inches from hitting the car in front of him, but he doesn't have half the heart to use his road rage in this moment. He sees flashing lights up ahead as well and all he can think of is how much he hates drivers in New York.

_I was distracted_

_And in traffic_

He notices people getting out of their cars and peering ahead. He figures the only way of knowing when this will be over so he can go home and drink himself into a stupor was to see what the fuss was all about. He turns his car off before extracting his tall limbs from the small-ish car and leans on the open door to yell over to the couple in front of him, cupping his hands around his mouth for an echo amongst the busy street sounds.

"Do y'all know what happened? Is it a wreck?"

Eliot's voice sounds croaky to his own ears, and fights back a shudder. The couple turn at the sound of his voice and walk over to acknowledge him.

"Hey, man, I'm not sure." The man starts to say, "I'm pretty sure it might be a crash though. I probably would've crashed too if I'd been distracted enough. That earthquake came out of nowhere and went pretty hard." He looks over at his partner in a way that says 'what can you do?'

Eliot's mind is blank as he registers the words the man spoke.

"Earthquake?"

"Yea, you okay? It wasn't hard to miss. The car shook so bad I had to keep a firm grip on the wheel."

The guy looks baffled at Eliot's lack of knowledge about what just happened. His partner is tilting her head at Eliot like he must've bumped his head or something in the midst of the earthquake. She pulls at the man's sleeve and gestures towards the blaring lights up ahead as if indicating she wants to check it out. Eliot's mind is still a blank void as he watches the couple, a fleeting name crosses the abyss of his mind, but he shuts the thought down quickly.

"Well, we're gonna go check this out, dude. Hope you didn't bump your head or anything." The guy laughs in a nervous way, probably hoping he didn't offend Eliot. "We'll let you know what's up when we get details."

Eliot nods slowly, and blinks even slower, letting his lips quirk up a bit to indicate his thanks. The couple nod back and turn to walk in the direction of the noise and lights.

_I didn't feel it_

_When the earthquake happened_

_But it really got me thinkin'_

He clambers back into his car and shuts the door with a slight slam. He looks down at the steering wheel where he notices nail marks in the leather, indicating his body took the fight option when he felt the car shake with the earth, as his mind was shutting down from his long day. He makes a grab for his phone, pulling up his contacts list and clicking 'Favorites' in an attempt to call Margo and tell her how shitty his day was and how it continued to get worse.

He looks up out of the front window at the sound of an ambulance and knows this will take even longer. He looks back down at his phone to see his thumb hovering over a name that is most definitely not his Bambi.

It reads a simple letter. ' _ **Q**_ '. He glares at the lack of emojis that used to adorn the letter. The name from earlier is floating back into his subconscious as he worries his bottom lip between his teeth. He can't help but think about the boy, a boy he held so much love for in his heart. Was he okay? Was he with someone when it happened? Was he still frightened by things like this?

_Were you out drinkin'?_

_Were you in the living room_

_Chillin' watchin' television?_

As much as it hurt to think of the boy with someone else, holding him through the shaking, he had hoped that someone was there to look after him. He didn't want him to be curled up on the couch by himself, hugging his legs to his lithe body as the walls of his small apartment shook around him. A secret selfish part had hoped he was already in bed, by himself, barely being able to feel it as he laid unconscious, maybe waking after the fact, but being too dazed to realize what had happened.

Eliot's unkind mind reared it's ugly head at him, reminding him he was the one who left. He was the one who took a step away when Quentin told him he loved him. It's been a year now; his mind never lets him forget the date seeing as it's the day he regrets the most and the day he felt overwhelming love for the bravest boy he knew. April 4th, 2019.

No matter how hard he tries, he first remembers the sparkle in Quentin's eyes as he confessed his love and then he remembers the drop of his shoulders, the tilt of his head that made his long-ish locks fall into his face, and the wounded puppy dog look on his beautiful features.

Eliot hates himself for that day.

_It's been a year now_

Eliot focuses back on his phone before sliding the contact to the side to reveal the delete button.

_Think I've figured out how_

_How to let you go and let communication die out_

He pauses, knowing he'll never be able to delete his number, no matter how hard he tries to get over him. He clicks his phone off and throws it into the passenger seat before letting his eyes shut and throwing his head back to thunk on the headrest. He sits silently in the car as he lets his thoughts run rampant.

He'd convinced himself that Quentin didn't know what he wanted. He let himself divulge in the thoughts of Quentin leaving for a woman later on, getting bored of being with Eliot because he'd never give Quentin what he looked for in the soft caresses of a woman.

Eliot knew now that was just him running scared with his tail tucked between his legs. His wicked thoughts turned into words that made him hurt his beautiful lover who was just being his brave self and indulging in his love for Eliot.

_I know, you know, we know_

_You weren't down for forever and it's fine_

He remembers Quentin fighting tooth and nail to prove Eliot wrong. He remembers his voice crack before the tears started falling freely as he tried to fight for the relationship Eliot was easily giving up on.

Eliot had convinced him enough by saying the same thing over and over again until Quentin's whole being deflated. He remembers almost cracking and reaching a hand out in need of comforting the sad boy in front of him, but Quentin flinched away from his touch and silently stared at him for a moment before walking to the door and hearing his ruined voice say one last sentence before walking away and out of his life.

_**"I know what I want Eliot, and it'll always be you."** _

Eliot had stared at the door after it shut, he remembers standing there, just staring for almost an hour before he broke enough to call Margo and grab a bottle of wine out of the kitchen. He didn't officially cry for his loss until he was pleasantly wine-drunk and in bed where he could still smell Quentin's shampoo and conditioner on his pillow. Peaches. He had clutched the pillow to his face as his breathing tapered on and off, knowing he fucked up; knowing he could still fix this if he wanted to.

In the end, his pride had won over.

_I know, you know, we know_

_We weren't meant for each other and it's fine_

He can't help but think of what would happen if he called him right now. Say something like:

"Hey, I know you hate me now, but I wanted to make sure you're alright. By the way, I'm stuck in traffic and you might be okay, but I am not."

Maybe he'd beg him to come over after he escaped the traffic, and he'd relent because Quentin never could resist Eliot.

_But if the world was ending_

_You'd come over, right?_

He'd come over and he'd be his awkward and fumbling self. Eliot would offer him white dessert wine, his favorite because it tasted like cupcakes. They'd talk about anything and everything except for what happened over a year ago. They'd fall into easy banter and Eliot's naturally flirty nature would come out to play. Quentin would end up practically in his lap, as Eliot played with his hair.

Eliot would be drunk enough to beg Quentin to tell him he still loved him, wanting to indulge in Quentin possibly one last time. He'd kiss him deeply and lick into his mouth while Quentin let sobs out and whispered his love for him over and over again.

Eliot would then beg Quentin to stay the night, to join him in the bed they picked out together. He'd light the candles that were littered around his room and lay together with their hands clasped tightly together. They'd face each other because Eliot wouldn't want to let him out of his sight; didn't want him to leave again.

_You'd come over and you'd stay the night_

_Would you love me for the hell of it?_

Eliot would reassure him that he was wrong. He loved him and he knew that Quentin loved him, he wouldn't doubt it anymore. He'd tell him how brave he was and how it was just his fear talking that drove him to say those horrible things.

Quentin would be his sweet self and reassure Eliot that he knew and he understood. He'd tell El that he knew he was scared and if Eliot hadn't pushed him away, he would've proven it every day for the rest of his life if he had to.

_All our fears would be irrelevant_

_If the world was ending_

_You'd come over, right?_

Eliot would kiss each square inch of skin Quentin bared. He'd whisper how much he loved him in between kisses and take him apart on his fingers as he prepared to make love to him. He'd lay Quentin on his back as he entered him so that he could look into his big brown eyes.

Afterwards he'd pull Quentin to his chest and they'd lay entangled, every inch of skin touching skin. Eliot's arms would wind tight around Quentin's sweat-damp body and he'd just relax into him as Eliot held him close.

Eliot would ask him to stay forever now that they didn't have a reason to say goodbye. He'd run his fingers through Quentin's hair and tell him that all of his worries weren't a problem anymore and they were meant to spend forever together.

And Quentin would stay.

_The sky'd be falling and I'd hold you tight_

_And there wouldn't be a reason why_

_We would even have to say goodbye_

_If the world was ending_

_You'd come over, right?_

He'd have his Q back.

_Right?_

They'd forget the past year and promise to pick where they left off. This time with a ring on Quentin's finger.

_If the world was ending_

_You'd come over, right?_

Quentin would stay. They'd be happy again.

_Right?_

Fuck, he was pathetic. He could sit here all night imagining a scenario in which Quentin would come back with open arms. He knew it wasn't that easy, but hope was all he had. He'd never be able to press that call button. He's tried several times to no avail.

He wished that this had never happened. He wishes he was as brave as his wonderful boy. If this never happened, he'd be with Q. Right now. Instead of being stuck in traffic, he probably would've left work early instead of staying overtime to bury himself in work. He'd want to go home and cook them dinner and watch a show as they made fun of the cast together.

He would've been there to see Quentin's reaction when the earthquake hit. His big brown eyes would open wide in terror before he flung himself at Eliot to nuzzle into his neck with whimpers.

Eliot would shush him with soft whispers and kiss him through his fear. He'd promise to always be there to protect him when he was scared.

It would eventually end in Eliot sucking him down to the hilt as he tried to erase his mind from what just happened.

_I tried to imagine_

_Your reaction_

_It didn't scare me when the earthquake happened_

He wanted to make Quentin lose his mind around every inch of their apartment. He had already had him around most of the place, but Quentin usually convinced him to make it back to the bedroom most times. They'd been everywhere except the couch and the big chair, (that fit him and Quentin snug against each other). They'd just gotten new furniture for the living area right before Quentin left.

He refocuses off of the couch and thinks about his favorite place they'd been. The island in the kitchen had been blessed early on in their relationship. Q would argue how unsanitary it was, but El would coax him with dirty words until one or the other was mouthing at skin.

His favorite time was when they came home from celebrating Eliot's birthday. They were drunk off their asses because Margo had doused them with shot after shot that night. They were pleasantly fuzzy and giggly. Eliot had been groping at Quentin all night, whispering in his ear how birthday sex was the best part of celebrating.

As they stumbled into the dark apartment, Quentin had barely made it past the kitchen before he was being pressed against the island, knocking a bar stool down in the process. The hard edge of the counter pressed into his back as Eliot devoured his mouth. He managed to lift Quentin in his inebriated state and lay him flush with the cool granite. They'd both lost clothing in between open-mouth kisses and groping. Eliot had lifted his legs into a bent position before giggling and saying how he was ready to eat his cake. Before Quentin registered his words, El had swept down to tongue at his opening.

That night ended with Eliot roughly fucking him while he was half-bent over the island. Quentin kissed him slowly at the end and whispered —

**_"Happy birthday, sweetheart."_ **

In that moment, Eliot knew that there was no going back now that he had his dream boy in front of him.

_But it really got me thinkin'_

_That night we went drinkin'_

_Stumbled in the house_

_And didn't make it past the kitchen_

But now his dream boy is gone and it's his fault. If he had known what it felt like for your whole world to walk away from you, he would've bit back his insecurities a year ago; wouldn't of said what he said.

Quentin would be here in reaching distance, but instead there's a whole year of distance in between them.

_Ah, it's been a year now_

Eliot pulls a flask from his satchel, knowing he shouldn't drink when he still has to drive home. It's the only way he knows that will numb his pain. He's taking a long gulp, thinking about how he probably would've done coke off of his steering wheel by now if he had some on him. That really helps him to not think about big brown eyes and floppy hair.

_Think I've figured out how_

_How to think about you without it rippin' my heart out_

Alas, he has none. So, he drinks instead. He wonders if Q still thinks about him. He hasn't seen him since he came by to get his stuff before officially moving back into the small apartment he had before Eliot; the one they were keeping as storage. They hadn't spoke besides longing glances. Eliot hadn't been there long enough to crack, leaving when Julia came by to help Quentin pack his belongings. He was met with an icy stare and icier words as she walked in and stood in front of Q as if to shield him. He stayed silent as she hurled insults until she was practically screaming. He told her that she was right before grabbing his keys and walking out.

He stayed at Margo's house for 3 days in a row, calling out of work while she stayed home to be with him in his mopey state. They didn't really talk in those days besides Margo urging him to eat and shower. Eliot stayed silent and cried even more quietly as she laid beside him in her bed and stroked his curls.

For a second, the evil part of his brain sneered at him that Quentin did find a nice girl and is now settled down as they plan for the future. His brain filled in a mystery girl with details: blonde, blue eyes, short, isn't afraid of commitment, the opposite of him.

He knew his Bambi wouldn't tell him if Q had moved on, in fear of him sulking. She doesn't tell him much about Q, besides saying how dumb Eliot was to let him walk out. He's seen them send texts back and forth as he peeks over Margo's shoulder sometimes. He's caught his name a few times, but was too scared to read them and would always turn his head in the opposite direction. He's heard her on the phone with him, speaker on (because his Bambi is a multitasker) as he heard Quentin's laugh through the static. He'd quickly leave the room to lock that laugh in his mind forever.

He prays to a God he doesn't believe in each night that Quentin still loves him and that one day they might have a chance again. He doesn't know why he does it when this so-called 'God' has never given him what he asked for once in his life. Quentin always told him there was more out there, maybe not a God, but a higher power. He was always the one who believed in the best of the world even as he struggled with his own problems.

Fuck, what he would give to just see Quentin's face right now.

_I know, you know, we know_

_You weren't down for forever and it's fine_

He reaches over for his phone again, intending to call Margo to tell her how shitty his day was and how he was so gone on Q that he could've almost died while thinking about his ass as he drove through an earthquake.

He opened his phone to texts from Margo, asking the basics and checking in. He typed a response with a simple text saying:

_**call u soon, Bambi** _

He quickly looked at his traffic app to see when this was clearing up, as he saw no progress of cars moving in front of him. It seemed that it'd be delayed for probably another hour or so, just up until they cleared one lane to let people by.

He went back to contact list to make that call to Margo, but the ' ** _Q_** ' was still glaring at him. He hadn't been brave then, but maybe he could be brave now. He brought his shaking thumb to hover over the call button, debating whether or not he should click it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling his thumb make contact with his phone screen. He heard the low ringing as he brought the phone to his ear.

It rang and Eliot almost hung up.

It rang some more and Eliot almost threw his phone.

It rang again as he berated himself, knowing that Quentin wasn't going to pick up.

He caught his voicemail and almost clicked his phone off until he heard the nervous voice preform his voicemail greeting.

"Hi, um, it's Q. Quentin..." an awkward pause. "Coldwater. I'm most likely working or too into the book I'm reading that I didn't hear my phone go off." A nervous high pitched laugh sounded. "I guess leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Uh, bye?"

Most people would be wondering what the fuck kind of voicemail was that but all Eliot could think of was: my adorable anxious nerd.

He realized the beep went off and he had a chance to speak of hang up. He sighed and started talking.

_I know, you know, we know_

_We weren't meant for each other and it's fine_

"Hi, Q." He paused because he knew Quentin would need a moment to process it. "I'm just calling to check up." He breathes a laugh as how dumb he sounds. "Even though it's been a year. I was worried when the earthquake happened..."

He feels like crying.

"I know, I'm shitty and I know I broke your heart and you're probably gonna sit there and here this message, or maybe even delete it before you have a chance, but you're gonna sit there and think to yourself about why the fuck I'm calling now and why it's taken me more than a year to reach out. Well, I don't have the answer for you. I'm not quite sure why I called other than the fact that you have not left my mind once since the moment you stepped out that door, Q."

_But if the world was ending_

_You'd come over, right?_

"Is it bad if I hope you still think about me too? Because I think about you even in my dreams. Your voice, your face, everything about you haunts me everyday and it's all my fault."

Eliot was spiraling into a hole as he choked on his words.

"You loved me so much, Q and I took that for granted. You deserved someone so much better than me, baby."

_You'd come over and you'd stay the night_

_Would you love me for the hell of it?_

"I just was so scared of loosing you that I pushed you away. I wasn't brave like you. You were so, so, so brave, Quentin. You have to know how brave you were to just open up to a lost soul like me. I'm so sorry I couldn't be brave then, baby. I'll never be able to live up to how sorry I am, but I wanted to be brave today. For you. Because you deserve someone who is brave for you."

_All our fears would be irrelevant_

_If the world was ending_

_You'd come over, right?_

"I love you, Quentin Coldwater. I loved you then and I still love you now. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Eliot was full-body shaking, with sobs retching from his throat.

"I hope someone is treating you the way I couldn't. I hope you're happy and you're thriving and that you are able to have the future you wanted, because you deserve everything good in this fucked up world, Q. If I had a redo for that day, I wouldn't have met you leave. Ever. I would've held you tight and told you how much you mean to me and you wouldn't have to walk out that door."

_The sky'd be falling while I'd hold you tight_

_No, there wouldn't be a reason why_

_We would even have to say goodbye_

"Well, shit, I honestly didn't plan this. And I kinda hope you do delete this message because I'm so pathetic. If you do hear it though, I love you Q. And if you ever asked me to come over, no matter what happened, I'd make my way back to you, even if the world was ending. I'd fight tooth and nail to be by your side."

His voice sounded soft even to his own ears as he said what he's been thinking non-stop since they parted.

"Well, I guess, bye, Q. Thank you for being the brave one. I hope you're okay."

He sent the message and looked ahead.

_If the world was ending_

_You'd come over, right?_

He could see people making their way back into their cars and yellow caution lights up ahead indicating that one lane was now open. He knew it'd still take a while before he passed the wreckage and could make his way home. Now, he just wanted to drink himself to sleep and wait until another weary night went by.

The couple he'd talked to earlier were getting into their car as well, looking over to Eliot and giving him a smile and thumbs up. Eliot snorted at how awkward these people seemed to be and was reminded of how weird he acted towards them earlier.

He just wanted to be out of this car and into his bed.

_You'd come over, right?_

******

Quentin was crying as he listened to the voicemail for the third time. He saw the call coming earlier and ignored it and when his phone pinged with the voicemail notification, his heart had stopped. He's been waiting for the day Eliot finally contacted him. He didn't know if it ever was going to come, but from his conversations with Margo had given him hope. Even after a year, he's not ready to hear his voice again.

He had tried to move on, but his heart knew what it wanted. Eliot. He would always want Eliot. There was no overthinking it or second guessing. He was the one he'd come back to every single time.

_You'd come over, you'd come over, you'd come over, right?_

He'd been so hurt when Eliot had beat him down with false truth and blaming it on him as to why they couldn't be together when it was actually Eliot who was too scared to let Quentin in.

He didn't know why Eliot couldn't just admit he was scared or if he didn't want to spend his life with Quentin. He didn't understand why he was trying to tell him what he wanted when Quentin knew the man in front of him was all he could ever want.

_I know, you know, we know_

_You weren't down for forever and it's fine_

It had been over a year and Quentin didn't expect to hear from Eliot. Eliot, who was too stubborn for his own good and never let his feelings show because he saw it as a weakness in himself. So, when he heard the distinct flutter tone he had set as Eliot's ringtone, he wasn't expecting it.

He was wrapped in the quilt that had their initials sewn in (a gift to them from Julia when she took a random quilting class), taking comfort in something that screamed them. Together. In love.

He didn't think Eliot would want him back, let alone still be hung up over him like Quentin was him. He heard the hurt, clear as day, in his voice as he played the voicemail a fourth time.

_I know, you know, we know_

_We weren't meant for each other and it's fine_

Quentin knew he wouldn't be able to call him back. He didn't understand why Eliot thought he was so brave when he constantly felt like a coward for not staying and fighting harder.

He wanted to tell him everything he's thought about in the year they missed out on, but he couldn't bring himself to press the call button.

But he did want to be brave for Eliot. He always wanted to be brave for him. A phone call wouldn't be able to express his love so there was one way to go about this.

He got out of bed.

_But if the world was ending_

_You'd come over, right?_

Quentin threw on the first shirt he found to join the sweats that adorned his hips. He was nervous as it was, so he wasn't going to overthink for once in his life.

He was going to Eliot's.

He was going to go to Eliot's and not leave until he told him how much he loved him and how he's never stopped.

_You'd come over and you'd stay the night_

_Would you love me for the hell of it?_

He would tell Eliot that he would be brave for the both of them and he wouldn't let Eliot's fears stand in the way.

He'd tell him how stupid his brain was, that maybe Quentin's brain wasn't the only one that breaks sometimes. Then he'd kiss him.

_All our fears would be irrelevant_

_If the world was ending_

_You'd come over, right?_

He'd kiss him until their lips were bruised and they were sobbing against one another. Quentin would snake his arms around Eliot's body and squeeze him tight against him until it felt like it was just the two of them in the world.

He wouldn't say goodbye ever again. He'd tell him he's there to stay and no matter what happens, he'll fight to stay beside him forever.

_The sky'd be falling while I hold you tight_

_No, there wouldn't be a reason why_

_We would even have to say goodbye_

Quentin made his way out of his apartment, almost forgetting his keys and speeding towards the sidewalk to hail a taxi.

The only thought racing through his head at that moment was:

_**I'm coming, Eliot.** _

_If the world was ending_

_You'd come over, right?_

******

Eliot made his way up the stairs to the third floor where his apartment resided as he finally got home. His long limbs worked slowly, fully drained from the shitty day and his love confession. Quentin probably saw it and deleted it or he was asleep and hasn't even seen the notification yet. He'd probably just delete it after he woke anyways. When he opened the door that led to his floor, he saw a distinct lump against his door.

He walked even slower as he approached the slumped figure. He knew that figure like the back of his hand. Small body wrapped in broad muscles that he hid behind baggy clothes. He stopped in front of the smaller boy as his heart beat against his chest like a sledge hammer. The boy looked up behind his curtain of hair as Eliot stood there looking at him in disbelief. He dropped to his knees, letting his bag drop beside him, not caring that his work laptop was in there. His eyes welled up with emotion as his mouth formed a single syllable.

"Q."

_You'd come over, you'd come over, you'd come over, right?_

"Hi, El." Quentin smiled wearily at him from where he sat against the door. He looked exhausted as his hair flopped into his puppy dog eyes. "If the world was ending or not, I'd always come over."

_If the world was ending_

_You'd come over, right?_

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my tumblr for more Queliot content & art! @babygirllinds


End file.
